today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
