Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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