so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
where are my eyebrows?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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