I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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