I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
