Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
