I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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