oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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