if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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