i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
