I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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