It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
