his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
