all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
