Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish you could order shots online.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
