wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
