love makes seman taste better
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How external is "for external use only"?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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