If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
