went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
