Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize