You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
