If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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