i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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