Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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