I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
