Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
