He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
