do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
