Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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