I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
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Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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