There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
