just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
