hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize