he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
