So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
