A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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