i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
