I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
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imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.