I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
