so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask