After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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