Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
