I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
