It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
