Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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