she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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