she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
