...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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