I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
