i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
