Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
