I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
