His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize