When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
