you guys were way drunker than both of me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
