Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
