Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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