on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
