the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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