Me too!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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