Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
