My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
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So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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